Docker Acquires Itself in Industry-Breaking Merger, to Build Corporate HQ in the Cloud

Docker has successfully completed an acquisition of itself, valued at $92B, Docker CEO Timothy Cachinglayers disclosed to The Onion Router earlier today. This acquisition, which Cachinglayers assures us is an industry first, takes Docker's Linux container technology a step further by applying copy-on-write principles to the company's monetary and physical assets, effectively doubling its size, revenue and user base. When asked how he expects to deal with this merger's inevitable scale challenges, Cachinglayers stared at me blankly for several seconds and then responded:

"Docker's vision has always been scalability, scalability and scalability. We are going to build a new headquarters up in the Cloud, we truly believe that's where our innovation will be the most secure and we've always been about security, security, security."

What's in the future for Docker? "Well, obviously we're going to do a bunch of Dockers, that is the company's name and we're really all about that at the end of the day. But we're committed to bring new cutting-edge technologies to everyone, and today I'm excited to announce our very own integrated Big Data containers - Bonkers. You can think of Bonkers as your Dockers in the Cloud with Big Data. We're bringing everything to an intuitive UI - you name it, we support it. There's Hadoop, Cassandra and even good ol' MySQL. And yes - we can scale your cluster", and with a very suggestive gawk he added, "and we will."